What is “Toxic in a relationship ” means ?

Provide 5 words indicating ‘Toxic’ in a relationship. Signs that a relationship is hurting your mind and body without you noticing that it is in your life. Toxic Relationship Is a relationship between two or more people that do not support to each other in some way : Such as, Lack of respecting and understanding of each other. There may be either side or both that control and exploitation to other, undermine the other side, Or impairs confidentiality from yourself. Either mentally or physically by being aware or unaware. which means it’s a bad relationship. The word “toxic” here means making ourselves extremely unhappy, feeling sick to  both physically and mentally.  It may be a relationship that makes us worry too much about everything even physical abuse. It is considered Toxic at all.

Should we stop with this relationship ?  

At times, people in this relationship may get stuck in a quagmire cycle. That makes it so immersed in the relationship. They can’t come out or imagine living without this relationship, And become a unilateral relationship that must be compromised all the time. In the end, the person who feels bad is the one who has to keep the relationship in place, whether because of love or bond. But how much longer will you hurt yourself?

Many people may feel overwhelmed in relationships that are erratic, insecure in love, and terrible things happen often in a relationship of the characters playing in the movie love Or an impressive series of many famous stories.

Even to be excited and often imagine how good it would be If the destination of those relationships will end as a happy ending Of course, sometimes the story is written to please the majority of the audience. The story, which was wet with tears from the beginning, was easy to break into a beautiful ending.
But in real life In some form of relationship being difficult to end without tears. These relationships we call them Toxic relationship patterns It is a relationship that we should get rid of from life before its dangers run straight into our heart and damaged is too much too healed. If you want to know whether the relationship we are today is toxic to our lives or not. Let’s go check it out.

How long do you think you can walk in a desert where you can’t see your destination?

If you can’t, that is the answer to the non-destiny relationship. While many people still deceive themselves that ” It is fine now ” or ” It is not that bad ” Believe me, in a deep part of your heart will want an answer, a definition of a relationship or a vision of the future that must be shared. Rather than allowing it to continue without tangible directions. You might be happy to keep chatting like this every day until one day your age gets older. The day you start wanting someone called to be together until the old man. Or the day you start wanting to plan your life, but you are not really sure if he wants to be a part of it. In that case, the accumulated toxins will make you start to panic, Especially , If the answers are not what you want to hear.

Today’s me invites you to get to know 5 words about the “Toxic” behavior from the manipulation side of the relationship. If you read it familiar, you may be able to stop thinking that you can be in a bad relationship.

Image from @crazyheadcomics

1. Gaslighting – Stimulating you to question your beliefs.

“No one can stand you like me.”
“You may have mistakenly remembered. I never said that. “
“Are you crazy? Hey, I love you to the death. How can I do that? “
“Trust me, other couples are like this.”
“What would you be like without me?”

It is a form of manipulation using psychology within relationships. That causes the victim to question many things, such as their own memory, perspective, logic, or even the stability of their own mental health. Who is the gaslight department It may be conscious or unaware, most of it is done by people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder*.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder – NPD or manic self-sufficiency. As the name implies for personality disabilities That the person who is will have a lot of narcissism.

In most cases, the gaslight is in the form of understanding force the thoughts of the doer Let the victim think that their relationship is already perfect. (Idealization) by using a friendly or normal tone Use cold water to rub. To confuse or even use a loud noise, act like yourself the one who should be angry, to intimidate.

When the gaslight continues to happen that may go over and over like the loop, gradually reducing confidence or the other person’s confidence in themselves until they believe that can not live in this world without him.

If you are in this relationship and feeling exhausted. The one option is to walk out, but if you feel the need to stay in the relationship, it is important to understand the person who is symptomatic. This is set to cope and prepare to take care of your own mental state as well

Image from @etsy.com

2. Fauxpology – The False Apology

” I am sorry for making you feel bad. I don’t think you will feel bad. I’m sorry. “
“ I am sorry, but when I do this, people laugh. Nobody gets angry like you, so sorry. “
” I am sorry. I’m just joking. Just playing hard because I saw that you were stressed. I’m really sorry. “
” I am sorry. Several times, but I’m sorry again. “

It is an apology used to reduce or divert responsibility, it may be deliberate or unintentional. Often see in apologies that trying to appear baptism or justify the violence. Or the effect of the action that occurred Apologize to make the other person feel that they are ‘I made the same mistake’ or maybe ‘I thought too much’.

These false apologies make many victims of relationships feel that they don’t dare to express their displeasure aanymore. May be due to Feelings of guilt towards oneself or against the other side, even though they do not use their guilt at all. Therefore it seems that it is a method used to silence the other side by default.

3. Stonewalling

” I am not free to talk to “
” Could you please go away, i don’t want to talk about it anymore? “
” … “
” We’d better talk about something else. “

Barriers in a relationship include refusing to communicate with the other person. Accidentally cut off the conversation or an argument To avoid direct confrontation with the problem (Which is sometimes referred to as Silence treatment) behaviors that fall within the Stonewalling category include the uneasiness of talking about feelings. Reducing the worries of couples Refuse to answer questions Refuse to make eye contact when talking Or do any communication other than talking Or choose to walk away when the conversation is going on, maybe because of stress.

Talking and communicating is essential in any relationship, whether it’s a romantic relationship. Or any other relationship when the barrier occurs The gap in the relationship is getting bigger. Causing troubling problems for both the banks trying to escape the problem together blocking the wall And the side that tried to break down the wall Resulting in a feeling of badness and fatigue And the accumulated prolongation That, although able to strike back together well Problems that had not been discussed earlier may still be both enthralled by both parties. There was an endless amount of cracks and ambiguity.


4. Hoovering

” I have really changed. Give me a chance. “
” This is the last time, I will love you better “
” Can’t people do anything wrong? Trust me. “

It is a tactic used to bring a lover back to the pattern. Or the old cycle of toxic relationships This is often tackled by an Abusive Person (intimidating, abusive) or an NPD person. Starting from hurting the mind Or the body of a lover Then came back and tried to say that he had changed. A new person later In order to return to the bad behavior again Without the intention of really wanting to change

When the other side accepts and and agrees to return to the original relationship. This toxicity will continue to loop. However, giving the opportunity or forgiveness when someone has wronged the relationship does happen. But depends on the judgment of the lover himself Who believe that the other party can actually change or not Being looked at logically and not ignoring the truth If the toxic behavior that had happened before

5. Lovebombing

“I’ve never met someone like you before.”
“I love you very, really, really, really, really, really.”
“Do you not mess up just yet?”

“ Today I am busy, really busy. “
” I have no love to you anymore “

It is to show an abundance of love and interest to the other person at the beginning and then suddenly change. ‘Three days’ for example, to illustrate this, one day the love bomb may send a message. Preaching a lot of love to the lovers ‘This life, I can’t be without you’ ” We’ve laid out our plans for our future. ‘Giving lots of gifts, etc. It makes the other side feel important and can’t live without this relationship. But then it turned into someone who was very emotional in a few days. Use the other person as an emotional field. Without explaining the reason and then looping back and forth to return to show romantic love again in the days to come.

The victim’s side of the love bomb must flow according to the wishes of the dictator. And became the only partner who needed to try to save the love and the relationship to be able to live on In a retaliation relationship It is important to pay attention to and respect the other side, which the love bomb will destroy there to become the only one who must always compromise.

How to deal with it …(?)

Get started when you start to feel that your relationship is beginning to fall into the nuance. ‘Toxic relationship’
.
💔 Begin by accepting that our relationship is in trouble.
💔 See what the real problem is, take it out and make sense. That we are becoming the victims Or even that we may be acting ourselves
💔 Consult and get perspectives from people outside the relationship. Because people outside may have a bigger picture than the person who is caught up in the relationship loop.
💔 Be honest with the feeling that we are okay or not okay with anything. Or are you trying to endure in vain?
💔 Don’t lie to ward off problems And express the real feeling

Of course, everyone’s dealing with problems is different. But it is important to try to have the greatest self-compassion and understanding. At the point of being really intolerable, you may have to ask yourself if you really need to stand and whether this relationship can still be resolved. Or is it really worth the loss of our mental and physical health?

If the problems in the relationship are very bad until he felt unable to manage by himself or without the help of those around him. Don’t be afraid to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist for help.