Enjoy being yourself and everyone thinks that you are cool is the best feeling ever, isn’t it? 

‘Lately, I’ve been feelin’ so cool (Cool)

Top to the bottom, just cool (Cool)

Every little thing that I do (Do)

Dammit, I’m feelin’ so coo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ool

Song lyrics: Cool Jonas Brothers 

What does it mean to be cool?

As an introvert, I grew up spending most of the time being alone and admiring people who are ‘cool’ whenever they walk past me.

My mind says“ How does it feel to be a cool person ?” 

In society, there are many different characteristics, and one of the groups is called ‘cool person’. They shine from everything they do, their interesting lifestyle and action are like a hypnosis clock that attracts others to pay attention to them. 

I used to think that being cool had to come with nice looks and well-dressed, this mindset based on since I was a little kid. I watched television and all the lead characters in the drama are beautiful.

When I was in high school, juniors tended to have a crush on popular students who were handsome and pretty. So, I assume that looks are the most important thing to be attractive. But what I thought was wrong…

The more I meet new people, the more I understand that personality can shape people to look charming from the inside. Some people do not have good looks based on beauty standards, but having a good heart and the way they treat others lead teachers and friends to find them likable. 

In general, most people want to be cool to get accepted, so I am. But I always tell myself that it seems hard, how can I improve myself in a better version? 

Is coolness the genetic thing that we were born with, or is it what we can only wish to be in the next life?. The good news is…we can create it by ourselves, so let’s get started! 

Coolness VS Popular???

According to the article from Real men real style, Coolness is just a word people use to describe what they like.  On the internet study, they asked 353 participants about what is the first thing to come up in their minds about the word ‘cool’. The result was they defined it differently, but there are only 11 words that have been reused which are;

  • Friendly
  • Competent
  • Trendy  
  • Desirable
  • Attractive 
  • Unconventional
  • Prosocial
  • Humorous
  • Confident
  • Emotionally control
  • Hedonistic

All of these are considered as ‘socially desirable’. However, is there any character that makes a cool person popular?

For this reason, they continue doing experiments with 508 university students and ask for help to list the word that they think is more defined as popular than cool and the word that is more defined as cool than popular.

This study just wants to make sure that these 2 words mean the same.

The word that more defined as cool than popular
  • Emotional control
  • Hedonism 
  • Irony
  • Rebelliousness 
  • Roughness 
  • Thrill-seeking 
  • Unconventionality 
The word that means popular than cool
  • Friendly
  • Attractiveness
  • Prosocial
  • Confidence
  • Drive for success
  • Competence

Therefore, ‘coolness’ is not only about popularity or socially desirable. There are tons of words that make one person popular, but it does not mean that it will make them cool. 

At the same time, someone who has cool traits does not become popular. 

For example, some celebrities are popular on social media because they have attractiveness, confidence,  and friendliness which is related to popular quality. But if they have a bad reputation like fighting when they get angry in public, this will not look cool because they lack the ‘emotional control’ which is one of the cool personalities. 

“Being cool is being yourself, not doing something that someone else is telling you to do.”
—Vanessa Hudgens—

How to be cool in 7 steps 

1.  Love yourself

Once you start to love yourself, the happiness aura will be shown to others and bring you more confidence. Then, you are more confident to show your special uniqueness such as looks, experiences, or ideas. Once a person believes in their value,  people can sense a positive vibe and it opens a new world to meet new people.  

Additionally, embrace individuality! It is being proud of who you are, not apologize for your difference and your style. Even on bad days, be able to laugh at yourself. No one is perfect, let yourself make mistakes and laugh at them to embrace your flaws. 

Do not blame yourself out loud like ‘ I’m so stupid, everything I do is lame’ do not do that! Why? It will make outsiders believe that you have negative thoughts and you are exactly what you said.

2. Be appealing 

Not only about looks but also be attractive from the inside. At least be well mannered and knowledgeable as a result of extensive reading, smart people who know a lot are cool but do not tell what you know too much until it sounds pretentious. 

Do not forget to be kind, everyone likes people who show more kindness and sympathy. We normally feel comfortable and happy we have a conversation with the person who takes good care of us.

3. Be elusive 

Do not open about your life too much, it is important to save room for mystery. 

Cool people do not discuss every single thing about them, they keep it unpredictable and mysterious. If others are curious to know, let them find out by themselves sometimes.

4.Be humble 

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” 

—Rick Warren—

Talk less, listen more.

You should not brag all the time because they will dislike you. Although confidence is good, much confidence will turn you into arrogant.

 It would be better trying to pay attention to others’ stories, knowing how they are doing, or be an empathetic listener to get to their feelings. 

5. Cool is not always the coolest

Some people understand that acting like they are too cool to care about, saying bad things, and not caring about others’ feelings will make them look cool. 

Unfortunately, it is not.

They might believe that this is attractive based on the love novel they read or the drama show. For example, the handsome cold-hearted lead male says hurtful words to the female which audiences think those actions are cool.

But in reality, life is not like K-drama, your colleague might not want to receive those actions from you.

6. Do not  try too hard

Less is more.

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”

-Albert Camus-

So does coolness, do not attach with being cool too much until it seems like you are trying too hard which can make you burnout.

No need to do extraordinary events or hard challenging things to be interesting, let the progress work naturally.

7. Passion

When someone tries to focus on something they love, the effort in achieving the goal makes them more outstanding than people who have no dreams. 

Spending time on what they are passionate about such as playing guitar, learning languages, singing, or even baking cookies gains your mind’s imagination and relaxation. 

Whenever you listen to music, it helps your brain find your passion easier. Here is a self-motivated song mix I would love to share. You can check it out!

Start with finding hobbies

For first starters who still do not know where to begin improving yourself as a cool person or the way, you want to be, finding hobbies can help because it is necessary to use the quality of time to get to know yourself. 

A hobby can enrich your perspective as creating a character and exploring your talents, here are the hobbies I usually do when I have free time. 

Start a mini garden

I love managing my environment to surround by as many plants as possible. Having a garden is my sanctuary, it feels good to recognize a new leaf on a particularly difficult plant and get to create my little thriving planet where you are the sole caretaker.


It reduces so much stress, it is nice to get lost inside the book and stay away from social media. If the weather is not too hot outside, I can read in the garden. It will be so much fun whether reading life-changing books or Manga.

Painting/ Writing 

This peaceful activity let me do creative artwork, it is just something I enjoy doing from being creative artistic. Writing a journal sets your goals and self-reflects from writing it down every day. 


During quarantine, it is noticeable that many café or restaurants are closed.  So I start to cook at home, cooking with your family is better than ordering take away.  After I cook, it makes me appreciate this moment when you get a nice reward with tasty lovely food I made. 

What about you? what are your other tips to be cool? Let me know here on the comment!


Byrne, M. W.It’s Time To Arrive: How To Be Cool In 17 Simple Steps. Retrieved 2021, from https://www.thecoolist.com/how-to-be-cool/

 What Makes a Guy “Cool?| The Meaning of Being Cool. Retrieved 2021, from https://www.realmenrealstyle.com/what-makes-a-guy-cool-the-meaning-of-being-cool/