Why breakups are so hard
Our personal histories, our capacity for grieving, and the nature of our relationships with ourselves all affect how much pain we feel when relationships end and how long that pain lasts.
Romantic relationships may take a variety of shapes. They might last a month or thirty years. You could have been legally married, or you might not have ever been together. You could live together or have pets or kids. How deeply intertwined you are in each other’s life also frequently affects how tough it is to move on after a relationship. But occasionally, despite a relatively fleeting connection, it still hurts a lot.
What can lead to a breakups
There are several causes behind breakups. Some examples of external factors are one of you moving away, attending different universities, or going through another lifestyle shift that alters how you prioritize relationships. Some elements tend to be more internal; perhaps you feel like you’ve drifted apart or your growth is going in separate ways. Relationships can occasionally be harmful to one or both parties. A relationship may end amicably or may need to terminate in order to protect the mental health and well-being of either party or both.
You and your partner may decide to end your relationship if you don’t share the same values. Expressing your deal-breakers is crucial—the issues you won’t consent to early on in a connection. A partner who prefers an open or polyamorous relationship, for instance, can be a deal-breaker for you if you seek a monogamous relationship.
The things that change as we mature and develop as people include our goals, the kind of people we find attractive, the characteristics we look for in a partner, and even how we view our sexuality. This implies that our willingness to make concessions may also alter. The compatibility of their individual life objectives and ambitions may need to be reviewed, for instance, if a couple decides they do not want children and one partner later changes their mind. It’s crucial, to be honest with yourself and, eventually, your partner if anything changes for you while you’re in a relationship.
What if there is no specific reason
It’s acceptable if there isn’t always a clear cause to stop a relationship. We all experience changes throughout time, and occasionally something that felt cozy initially loses its coziness with time. It’s sufficient to end a relationship just because you want to. Wanting to be in a relationship is the most crucial component of being in one. Ending the relationship is better if you no longer feel that way.
To end the relationship is another else entirely from reaching that determination. It is still sad and painful to truly end a relationship with someone, even if you know you want to. You may still have feelings for or appreciate certain qualities about that person, and the thought of losing them after your breakup may cause you sorrow.
Another challenging aspect of breaking up is having the “breakup discussion.” The other person will probably feel confused if there is no apparent reason for the breakup. Hence, it is helpful to take some time to consider how to express your thoughts in a way that honors you and always the other person’s concerns that they did anything wrong. While giving uncompromising news, being honest with yourself and mindful of the other person’s sentiments is crucial.
How you may feel after a breakups
Perhaps you won’t want to get out of bed, interact with others, or eat after breaking up with someone. Sometimes it seems as though you are physically unable to perform any of these tasks. You are left with nothing to do but sit in bed, sobbing, looking blankly into space. Your days and nights are plagued by sadness, rage, and worry.
Come over with your family or friends. Prepare your meal. Get dressed. Pull you against your will outside the home. Make small talk awkward while you sob into the glass of whatever is placed in front of you that you aren’t even aware of. Everyone assures you that things will improve. You could secretly believe them. At that very moment, you feel as though you will never be the same again. Your body is shouting back at you that everything has changed.
Do you really have to experience these emotions
Nobody wants to experience these emotions. Even if we now understand that we are less to blame for our negative thoughts, the pain is not significantly easier to access. Perhaps it lessens some of the self-criticism we do, but the consequences are still there. Do you have to endure the horror, then? Regrettably, I would advise that you should avoid emotions since doing so typically backfires. Yet there are methods to lessen the suffering by first comprehending the procedure and then acting on it.
Your brain’s chemistry might alter as a result of a breakups
According to research, when someone has a breakup, their body produces fewer neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, which are linked to sensations of pleasure and contentment.
Your brain may experience intense yearning after a breakup, making it challenging to concentrate on anything else. This relative deficiency in neurotransmitters linked to happy emotions might even result in symptoms that mirror those of clinical depression.
If you’re going through a terrible breakup, it’s important to monitor your mental health and to get professional help if you feel you need it or find it challenging to go about your daily activities.
How to get over a breakups
A breakup can be handled in various ways, and the recovery period is not predetermined. It’s crucial to allow yourself to go past the breakup at your own pace and avoid putting pressure on yourself to forget about it or move on sooner.
- Surround yourself with supportive people
Sometimes a village is needed to help you recover from the pain of a broken relationship, so now is the time to seek assistance. Having a solid network of people is crucial to keep you active and feeling cared for, from having buddies to texting when it gets tough to catch up with friendships that have faded over time.
- Don’t rush into something else
When you first leave a relationship, being by yourself might be strange. Although the world is designed for coupledom, you shouldn’t get into another relationship immediately. The next day, resist the urge to get back onto dating apps since you can feel worse in the long term or become stuck in a rebound relationship. Both possibilities are undesirable. Consider and evaluate who you are on your own, without a partner. What are your current goals? What place do you wish to be in? Partnerships are based on giving in and considering other people. Thus, the period following a breakup is ideal for indulging in selfishness. Cherish your leisure time because it won’t last long.
- Reflect on the relationship
Even the partnerships that have ended have taught us something about ourselves. Reflecting on the relationship is crucial for overcoming a breakup and developing into the next phase of your life.
- Maintain your new normal
Getting past a breakup and finding your new normal might be challenging. Living without this connection or spending time apart from shared interests and friends may take some time. Remember to continue investing in other areas of your life, even when it’s complicated. Maintain your new routines, interests, and relationships.
- Understand it may take some time
Love-related emotions may and do diminish, but it usually takes time. And experiencing a great deal of discomfort in the interim is very natural.
- Spend time on yourself
When you’re really in love, you could make subtle adjustments to your look or demeanor to fit your ideal mate. Think about the aspects of yourself that you may have suppressed, changed, or denied. Perhaps you wore more flamboyant clothing than you would have liked, started participating in a sport you had no interest in, or gave up your favorite pastime. Perhaps you stopped asking for what you wanted and expressing your emotions appropriately. Do you feel at ease with such modifications? It may be possible to lessen your love for someone who didn’t actually love you for you by considering the aspects of yourself that you may have easily lost in the relationship.
- Open yourself up to new relationships
You may prepare for a new relationship that will better meet your requirements and enable you to grow even more by taking lessons from your previous relationships. Long-term, your development will also make you a more valuable partner. Be open to new experiences with a new relationship when you’re ready.
- Identify your needs & red flags for future relationships
Lifelong learning is a process. Every time we experience the death of a relationship, we gain new knowledge. Spend some time journaling, exploring your emotions, and realizing the importance of your ideals and sentiments. As they are a component of you, it is crucial to consider them while choosing your next partner. It can allow you the room to decide what you will and won’t accept moving forward.
- Remove them from your social media & any physical reminders
Seeing items on social media or in your home that bring up terrible memories of a loved one might make it more difficult to move on. It will help steadily purify your environment and turn it into a sanctuary for healing. Acknowledging your experience is crucial, so don’t pretend they didn’t occur. But, ensure you allow yourself enough room to go ahead without having them resurface due to objects or social media.
- Talk to a therapist
It can be challenging to cope with sadness and pain sometimes, so having a support network to help you through this is beneficial. But for some people, talking to a therapist is the best approach to getting better and moving on. An online therapist directory, where you can search by region, insurance, and specialty, is a convenient place to start if you need assistance locating a therapist.
Final Thoughts
Closing a chapter in your life may be challenging, mainly involving sexual connections. Just remember that you’ll move on and recover eventually and that if you want to, you’ll probably find another partner that satisfies your needs and makes you happy.
